Why’d you go?

Silencio…. No hay banda…. No hay orquesta….

Tell me what you would do
If things had got so complicated
That the lies become true
And the things that made us
Now just tear us apart
The feeling you once had
Now rips out your heart
It’s all recorded
Our fate is predetermined
There’s no orchestra….
The world keeps turning
Every day I’m learning
That my life
Is a memory of a time
When things were right

You said you’d never leave me
Why’d you go?

JMSN, ‘do u remember the time’

_

This latest aesthetic video is truly layered with metaphor.

I discovered this song a few years back during an incredibly difficult period in my marriage. I immediately gravitated to its lush musical landscape and raw, contemplative lyrics. At the time I listened to this track on unequivocal repeat. It somehow felt written directly to me and written by me, simultaneously. The lines “You said you’d never leave me why’d you go?” lashed over me like waves. I felt my heartbreak shouting from the snares. My doubts writhed like phantoms in its refrain. As a whole it resonated so deeply that I often lost myself in it’s orchestration, penning elegies to my faltering perception of love.

But time went on, as time does. In a steadier place (maritally and emotionally speaking) I rediscovered this track and derived a whole new meaning. I heard my heart calling out to the long summers and rainy autumns of childhood. I was flooded with nostalgia. Longing for the unmistakable sights and smells of San Francisco. Swept in memories of uncomplicated blithe. I saw myself carefree and blissfully unaware of the endless responsibilities that adulthood would soon allocate, in the echoed lines “Back when we were alive, no worries. We can take our time, no hurry”.

But every moment, every movement inevitably bleeds into the next. Another year elapsed. On third exposure to this song (in the year 2020, no less) it was impossible to ignore the eerie similarities to current affairs. This time it read aloud like a love letter from a world withering under quarantine. Our lives distanced and our hearts frayed like gossamer ribbons. I felt my immense uncertainty at literal everything. I felt our longing for normalcy. For human touch. For proximity. That thing we could never have conceived going without, and now realize we took for granted. “When it used to be so easy.”

The images in this video synthesize these three main concepts. It is meant to be a fever dream. Filled with longings for a lost love, for a lost childhood, for a lost humanity. Each and every frame has a meaning. Beckoning to my beginnings. Framing my fondest memories. Reaching, writhing, storming for romantic love. Little fragments of a girl trapped in a pandemic. A cartography of sorts, all leading toward musical catharsis.

Stay safe, my loves. 

Xoxo,

Vixen


 

|| I own neither the rights to the featured song nor the am I the owner or creator of the video clips themselves. These are errantly scoured from the internet that rarely have originating information. Compiled for artistic and aesthetic purposes. Please contact for specific content credit or removal. ||

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Amor et melle et felle est fecundissimus || Love is rich with both honey and venom

8 thoughts on “Why’d you go?

  1. Used to be the bouncer at Club Silencio. Too many Little People getting drunk and busting up the place. I’ve never been comfortable tossing a dwarf. I think I remember you though. When I checked your ID, I thought, “This is the girl.”

    (All references to David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive purely intentional.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Precisely… little pieces spliced together to form a whole. I find it much easier to pair with music than with poetry but they are equally expressive. I’m so glad you liked it, sweet pea. We can be heroes. xo

      Liked by 1 person

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