a love that had no end // too good

October 2nd, 2017 was the last text.

4:39 a.m.

Eastern Standard Time.

you awake?”

I stayed up late just in case you needed me.

I missed the message by mere minutes.

Your mother would be boarding a plane in the morning.

She missed you by mere hours.

I’ll never understand why.

There’s supposed to be a God in the sky.

We were so close.

Almost, almost.

I still can’t bring myself to delete the texts.

The remnants.

Tomorrow is two years.

And it still doesn’t seem real.

I know you know how much you are missed.

I know our hearts speak directly to yours.

I know you are free now of suffering.

I know, I know.

I know you have now been given wisdom.

The kind that those of us left behind still struggle to find.

All in good time, all in good time.

I know we’ll see you again.

But in the mean time there are tears.

Two years of tears.

And more on the way.

But oh, what I wouldn’t give.

What we all wouldn’t give.

For one more hug.

One more grin.

One more guitar chord.

Shawn, you deserved a love that had no end.

And even though, at your end, the burdens made it so you couldn’t see it.

Darling, you had that from so many.

You always did.

And you always will.

You were loved, you are loved.

You remain on the minds of those who saw you as you truly were.

Handsome, brooding, artistic, compassionate, intelligent, stylish.

A musical prodigy.

A good husband.

Too good.

A beloved son. A cherished brother.

A nephew. An uncle. A band mate.

A friend. Such a good friend.

My friend.

My one time backseat taxi lover.

I miss you, I miss you.

You came back into view and then left too soon.

But for me you were never really gone.

And you never really will be.

I intend to keep my promise to protect your legacy.

I will comfort your family though nothing can truly console them.

You remain in memories.

In art.

In time.

In hearts.

In music.

Today and every day.

Until we meet again.

xo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Amor et melle et felle est fecundissimus || Love is rich with both honey and venom

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